Journal Entry: 10/17/2019
Moraya Ugwu • November 18, 2020
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"I would really like life to work out for just once. I am at the point where death seems like the most viable option. I don't really have any friends. I am just jealous of all of them and everything they do with their lives. There are some people I want to be friends with but they are super full of themselves and only see themselves as “helping other people” when instead they are just bragging about everything they have and all that bullshit. I hate that I have no motivation to do anything, I want to exercise to get back into the habit of running and doing track workouts but instead I just pile my face with candy and junk food and I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror because I just see the gaining of weight. I honestly just feel so alone in this world, my parents don't care about me whatsoever they stopped helping a while ago. The only reason they fed and housed me was it keep their appearances up. I mean you can't complain about not having enough money and yet you can pay for my brother’s school tuition and buy hist “necessities” and new clothing all the time and give him an allowance on top of that and be fine. Not only that they both have new places in two different states with no signs of moving back in together and I am pretty sure my dad sees no reason to go down and visit my mom anymore since my brother is in college. Like do they even talk to each other besides when it comes to money and buying new things? It just seems like a loveless marriage to me. Kinda just piontless.
You should just be used to being lied to and used and not really important in other people's lives. There is not one person in my life who I can say has not tried to use me or mistreated me in any capacity. Everyone has lied to me and everyone has either abused me mentally or physically. At this point I’m just tired. Just really tired."