I wanted to be numb and not feel anything anymore and I did not care how it was affecting my body. I wasn't eating I just wanted to be surrounded by nothingness and just have body around me.

The party scene is made to seem so enticing especially to young 20 year olds. It seems like such a good time and everyone is out and acting crazy and so you should too. But after a while it gets tiring, your body breaks down and your mental health just get worse. At this point in my life I plan my nights out months in advance. I give myself one night a weak to drink more and spend money on alcohol. The rest I try to do experiences that will make my life fuller and doing things that actually interest me. 

It is ok not to be apart of the "party" crowd. It is ok to have self control. It is better to spend your early 20's building a foundation for the rest of your life and do things to build your character and your bank account!